Marriage and Debt

It's nice to occasionally get away from the computer and the normal sources of news and information, to be forced to watch commercials on a hotel room TV that is not equipped with a Tivo, and to generally look at the world a little differently for a couple days at a time.

Such was the case over the weekend.

Before breakfast on Saturday, this story, Many marriages today are 'til debt do us part, was spotted on the front page of the weekend edition of USA TODAY. Not having purchased a newspaper of any sort for quite some time, and not having purchased a copy of USA TODAY for at least a few years, it was no surprise to find that the purchase price had risen to 75 cents, which seems reasonable, as it had been stuck at 50 cents for what seems like about fifteen years now.

[The U.S. Post Office should learn something from the newspapers and stop their two and three cent rate hike madness by just going directly from the current 39 cents (or did they already change it to 41 cents?) to 50 cents, and then just leave it there for a while. Please. If not fifty cents, can they at least try to get two consecutive first class postage rates that are not both prime numbers?]

Anyway, there are sure to be lots more stories in major newspapers in the coming months and years as the crazy debt binge that Americans have been on for the better part of this decade begins to unwind in a big way. USA TODAY often times has good insights into what ails ordinary Americans - this series may be one of those times.

In a seven-week series that begins today, USA TODAY will explore the ins and outs of couples' finances. Each Monday, we'll profile one of five couples who agreed to a Money Makeover from USA TODAY and the Financial Planning Association. Each Friday, we'll cover couples' most pressing financial issues and offer advice on how to handle them.

It's hard to imagine what the family in this picture must be going through these days with rising energy costs, rising medical costs, and rising costs for just about everything else they spend money on, little of which shows up in government inflation statistics.

It's reasonable to assume that they have at least one inexpensive DVD player and maybe a nifty digital camera whose quality far surpasses that of last years model. It's also reasonable to assume that they'd trade some of the features on their electronics for cheaper gasoline.

So what's ailing this family and millions of other families like them? Money. Borrowing too much, spending too much, saving too little, and not talking about it.

Which financial issues most often cause strife? Spending too much and saving too little, according to couples who responded to a USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll in March. (Many couples don't admit to financial troubles, though. More on that later.)

Making matters worse is that couples don't talk much about money before committing to each other. Nearly two-thirds of married couples who responded to USA TODAY's poll said they talked little or not at all before the wedding about how to combine their finances.

"It's the No. 1 taboo topic," says Syble Solomon, a motivational speaker who created Money Habitudes, playing cards for planners and counselors to use in getting couples talking about money. "People will tell you about their intimate sexual lives before they'll tell you about their money."

Speaking of intimate sexual lives, in our new favorite new HBO show, Big Love, wife number two seems to be having a bit of a spending problem lately (that would be wife number two as in number two out of three current wives).

Actually wife number two's problem lies not with spending, as her outstanding credit card balances are rising at a rate of at least $3,000 a week - the problem is in the debt accumulation.

As wife number two's mother told her, "We all spend like there's no tomorrow. Of course we've been told there's no tomorrow three times now, so it's understandable that we behave this way".

Elsewhere in the U.S., as in Utah, money can lead to problems at home.

In the worst cases, money can be a home wrecker. In fact, two of the five couples USA TODAY originally chose to profile for this series split up a few weeks later. At least one partner within each couple said the breakup was due, in part, to the conflicts that ignited once they began to dig into their finances with the help of a financial planner. (USA TODAY chose two other couples to replace the ones who split up.)

Oops!

Two of five - that would be close to forty percent of this very unscientific sample of couples that not only couldn't stand the scrutiny of a financial planner, but when it was all said and done, they couldn't stand each other.

This was by far, the most interesting statistic in this story.

The least scientific, but, by far the most interesting.

The lesson to be learned here is that if you want to stress test your relationship, sit down with a financial planner and bare your checkbook. Either that or do what most couples do - let one person take care of the money and hope for the best.

It's still more common to have one person take the lead on finances. In the FPA poll, 75% of planners said men make the majority of the family's investment decisions. About one in five couples make these decisions jointly, the planners' survey showed.

The person who makes the investment decisions — and thus controls the bulk of family assets — tends to manage the couple's long-term financial goals. The other partner may take on short-term tasks, such as paying monthly bills. Nearly 60% of FPA planners say women tend to pay the bills.

In general, women know less about investing but make fewer mistakes, such as holding a stock for too long, when they do invest, according to 2004 research by Merrill Lynch Investment Managers. Men tend to enjoy investing more but are also more likely to invest without research.

Somehow the whole idea of an ownership society seems a little optimistic when considering that most people are challenged by balancing their check book.

Human nature is what it is. Instant gratification enabled by easy access to credit is a lot more fun than watching a savings balance grow over time.

Planning for the future, saving, investing, financial literacy for the masses - it all seems to be going awry, this conclusion waiting for confirmation as the nation's housing market wends its way to its inevitable conclusion.

By the time the decade is done, will we find that people really own anything other than more debt?